It's possible.

Over my two TCE years and then my first semester of uni, I have noticed that so many people place limits on themselves. They believe there is a certain standard they can achieve and they just aim for that. Often, these standards are lower than what they could actually achieve if they really put their mind to it. In TCE, people would say things like “Oh, I only need an ATAR of 80 to get into my course..” and then proceed to explain why it is ok that they don’t study their butt off to overcome any difficulty they’re having with a certain subject or topic.  Considering at uni all you need to do to get your degree is pass all your subjects (which sounds easier than it is), the whole “Cs get degrees” idea is heard quite often. This is fine. For those people who feel that way. The day that I start saying that though, is the day I hope someone whacks me really hard back into my senses. For that will be the day that I have lost a trait of myself that I really respect having.

For as long as I can remember, I have been that person who does not limit myself to any standards. I have always kind of thought “it will be hard, perhaps even unlikely, but yeah it’s possible”. I remember in Year 10 when people were talking about ATARs they thought were possible, they were mentioning receiving ATARs of 90-95. I then came out with “a minimum of 98”. I remember my friends exclaiming how high that was and how hard that would be to achieve. 2 years later, we all received ATARs over 98..

*An ATAR is a national entrance rank for university and is a percentile score so an ATAR of 98 places a person in the top 2% of students Australia wide who completed their Y12 studies that year

It’s easy enough for people to say that we received those scores because ‘oh they’re just really smart’, for some people who receive high scores yes that is the case. Some people naturally pick up concepts easily and don’t have to study really hard. I was always the sort of person though that increasingly found it difficult to grasp concepts. Sitting and listening in class didn’t work for me because what the teacher said would go straight in one ear and out the other. Chemistry was my highest scoring subject in TCE, yet this was my hardest subject. In class, I would sit through the entire lesson and at the end I could often not tell you more than one thing of what I had learnt that class because I wouldn’t understand the first slide and it all went downhill from there because each slide built upon the previous one. In the first few weeks, I seriously contemplated dropping out because realistically I did not understand how on earth I was actually going to pass the subject, let alone get a really good score. Over time though, I developed my own strategies for learning it. This involved copious amounts of time going over every class each night at my own, very slow pace. I would then develop questions to ask my teacher the next class. By each test, I would understand and go well. Then we’d start a new topic and I would have to begin the process again.  To give you an example of how far behind the class I was, I asked a question in class about a single concept covered in class three classes ago and finally got it right and was stoked.

Yesterday, I received my course results for my first semester at uni. I received a High Distinction (the highest uni result possible) in my hardest three subjects-anatomy, physiology and physiotherapy studies. I received one grade lower in my easiest subject, Foundations of Health. These results probably shouldn’t make sense, but for a while now, I’ve found that I go best when I’ve had to work hardest to get anywhere. I don’t make it known that I’ve received solid results to gloat in glory at how smart I am, because I don’t believe that I am smart and I absolutely hate the thought of gloating. These results mean far more to me than having people realize I am not as stupid as I probably come across sometimes. They are proof of two main things:

1)   that I can mix cycling and uni quite well

2)   most importantly that I haven’t lost my way. I still give my all and I still aim for the highest possible result I can.

Although I was expecting an HD for anatomy (my favourite subject), I was unsure of physiology and physiotherapy studies. It was only about a week before my physiotherapy written exam, two days before my physiotherapy practical skills exam (ran that one a bit close for comfort!) and the night before my physiology exam that I realized I should pass those exams. Physiotherapy studies was a subject I battled with right from the beginning. It is made up of three components-clinical reasoning, practical skills and biomechanics. We had tutorials for clinical reasoning, prac sessions for practical skills and lectures for biomechanics with online quizzes to support. Clinical reasoning was a nightmare for the first 6 weeks as our tutor was appalling. Once we finally understood the process though we were fine but still lacked the preparation other students were getting before our final assessment for that. I received a Distinction plus for this assessment (borderline HD/D).

For practical skills, I really struggled beyond comprehension. With classes of 30-40 students and only two tutors to go around to help us, I had so much trouble remembering how to even just basically perform each test let alone all the safety, positioning, further testing and biomechanics principles that we needed to think about along with it! With the help of fellow students at college in the last week in particular, I finally could remember how to perform each test and sometimes remembered the other stuff I had to think about and say out loud for the examiner in the exam. The exam was 10 minutes long and was horrible. I adequately tested the two things I had to do on my patient but forgot to say a lot of stuff, so the examiner prompted me to find out whether I did actually know that stuff and she found a weak point and I began to falter and she loved it and asked me more questions on that point. I came out knowing I would have passed but didn’t think I would have possibly done any better than that. I received a distinction..

Right from the beginning, biomechanics lectures really did my head in. For the online quizzes, I took an hour and a half or something ridiculous to complete the very first one I ever did. I only completed this with a serious amount of help from the two girls either side of me and we still had a number of errors in our responses. By exam time, I had done this quiz 10 times and could do it in 10 minutes with no errors..Every single concept just blew my mind apart but bit by bit, like in chemistry, I would come to understand. I was one of those people who would stay behind in prac class to ask our tutor questions about the quizzes that I just could not nut out. To receive an HD for this subject, I must have done extremely well in my biomechanics written exam because I only received Distinctions for the other two components worth 50%. My Physiotherapy Studies 100 HD is something I’m very proud of.

I knew yesterday morning that I had received an HD for physiology. It wasn’t until that night though that my brother showed me how you could tell what percentage of people studying that course received what mark. 1% of students received an HD. This is out of about 600 studying Human Physiology 100 at UniSA, making me one of 5 or 6 people to receive one. This is huge to me because I am used to going well when quite a few people go well. For example, around 30 people received HDs in anatomy out of 500-600 people. A similar number received an HD in physio studies out of only 120. 1% of people is definitely not quite a few people and shows a remarkable achievement. I think my dad would be one of the few people who understand just how much this means to me because I called him rather upset and emotionally drained just two days before the exam. I had absolutely crashed. In four and a half days following my anatomy and physio written exam I had gone over every single one of my 30 odd physiology lectures which averaged 25 slides each.

Physiology is a subject I find very difficult to understand because you can’t see it..I like anatomy, because we go into the wetlab and I can see the muscles and their layers and how things work. We don’t have that luxury with physiology. Every week during the semester we would have quizzes on the topic learnt in the 3 lectures the previous week. Although each quiz was worth only 2% of our mark each, I studied for each as if it were an exam. I spent hours watching videos, writing notes out of my text book and from my lecture slides just trying to understand. This helped so much but I would forget it almost instantly when we moved onto the next topic. In our mock exam in our last workshop, I didn’t mark my paper but I would have got about 5% of the answers correct..I knew from there that the exam was going to require much more intricate detailed knowledge than just understanding the basic concepts. This is why I went over every single lecture. This meant that I did around 35-40 hours study in 4.5 days starting from Monday lunchtime. By Thursday of that week I was really starting to struggle. I was drained badly but quitting wasn’t an option. By Friday, I was an emotional drone and very stressed out because for all the work I had done, I didn’t feel any had sunk in. I thought I had way overcooked myself and that it had been for no good.

Since swotvac, I had been going to bed far too late (11-12 pm) and waking up early to attempt to train. My body and mind were zonked. I couldn’t do my last two lectures that Friday. Knowing I had a race the next day, I woke up early to do one. I then finished the other one when I got back. Having almost an entire day off study was good for me but I rode terribly in my race and now felt completely obliterated in every way possible. I called dad and explained to him how stressed I was that I might only pass if I were lucky and how much I had done to cook myself so badly to end up in the emotional wreck I was. He was amazing and calmed me down. The next day I headed out to ride but had to turn off early to do a cornering course for riding. I was so glad to turn off because I was riding terribly, again. The cornering course took my mind off things for the hour that I stayed and helped me heaps with my cornering. I finally smiled a legit smile and felt vaguely closer to being myself again. That afternoon, I was supposed to do a whole heap of last minute study but didn’t until about 4. By this stage, I had miraculously found myself again and stuff started to click. By the next morning for my exam, I was confident and ready to go. It seems evident that those ridiculous hours of studying I did paid off, but even more so, that my ability to not give in when things get tough is still there. When I really want something, I still have the ability to go get it.

The following is an excerpt of a letter I wrote to someone who had believed in me enough to sponsor me before I moved to Adelaide and I believe it exemplifies what I’m trying to say but in a sporting context:

“After realizing my foot was a lost cause over Winter, I aimed for the fastest female bike prize at Freycinet. I don’t usually aim for prizes as I know I can’t control the other competitors but I wanted to get up there and receive it really badly. Like, I can’t even begin to explain how much I wanted to. Looking at the entry list and based on the Winter Challenge and the previous year’s Freycinet results, a top 3 result should have been pushing it. I remember talking to you and Jordy in the shop before it and although I think the unanimous opinion was that I wouldn’t get it, it was worth a try. After day 1, a 60 km TT, I was a minute 27 down in 3rd. With only 35 km on the Sunday to make up that time, I knew it was a difficult ask. But, I donned my rapid kit and headed out determined to receive this prize and show you I was worthy of your time. I put myself in the box big time but thought I’d fallen short. I was pretty disappointed at presentations to find out I had fallen short.  However, I had ridden 8 minutes faster cumulative time than the year before and was pretty stoked with that.

Then, on the way home, I jumped on the results and read that there was a mistake and I had put a minute 35 into her, which placed me overall at 8 seconds faster than her and in first place. I had accomplished something that I had put my heart fully into and I was so stoked I had a little teary.

This was probably one of the best moments I’ve ever experienced. Largely on a mental scale, because I was out there pushing myself alone with no idea if the pain I was putting myself through was going to pay off. I’m usually not too good at this, as Macca knows. But I wanted it like nothing else and it taught me that if I fully believe that I can do something, then I really can no matter if the results on paper say I shouldn’t. This was a huge moment for me, not just sporting wise but for everything.”

Before I raced my first NRS race, I didn’t believe I was good enough to be there. Liz had told me I was but I was pretty uncertain. However, I got in there and quickly realized maybe I was. I have not done anything to show I shouldn’t be there, even when I suffered from a gastro-like bug on the first day of the Canberra tour resulting in me almost having to get off my bike in the TT. Then spending the rest of my day near or on the toilet until that night when we decided medication was needed and some serious amounts of hydralyte to allow me to race the rest of the tour. That night, I suffered to hold my fork to eat because I felt so incredibly weak. I tried not to let this go to my head though as I knew that would mentally become a reason for me to not do well and hence an excuse out on the road when I began to battle. Despite the 1.2 litres of hydralyte I had Friday night, I woke up still clearly dehydrated. With our race not til that afternoon, I did not panic and continued to drink my Gatorade and hydralyte. My goals for the two races were unchanged, I wanted to ride as if I were experienced. I rode the last two tours (ie my first two, with Canberra being only my 3^rd ever tour) like the new, scared girl. I didn’t want to be that person anymore. I wanted to be able to do my role for the team, and do what Liz told me and not require my team mates on the road to have to instruct me on where to move and when. 

My results make it look like I rode poorly, I came 42^nd/51 on GC. Yet, I actually rode quite strongly in both road races but I found myself lacking stamina for long efforts which were required for the crucial moves on both days. For example, on the Saturday, the race was 78 km long and I probably rode strongly for 75 km..those 3 km missing were where the bunch split and I rode really strongly then bonked. I think this was largely due to the lack of electrolytes in my system but didn’t let this thought get to me. I just kept working as hard as I could with what I had in me. The way I rode in the groups I ended up in both days was great though, and I rode with confidence. This makes me very happy. On Sunday, I even did exactly what Liz had told me to do. I waited after the descent for our climber Cassie to get on my wheel then dragged her from the very back of the peloton to first wheel ie I was leading the entire peloton. I couldn’t believe I had done it, I was stoked. Unfortunately for me, the girls gladly left me there to set the pace up the first part of the climb then attacked. I had girls overtaking me in every direction and I felt totally swamped and unsettled. I was also starting to tire. I lacked punch and ended up in a group near the back. I was so close to solo bridging the gap to a major bunch up ahead of me in the final 15 km up the punchy climbs but got within 50 m and just couldn’t get closer so ended up in my original bunch. I was so happy though and greeted Liz with an enormous smile because I had finally done something for the team and showed I do have an ability to do what I am told. Unfortunately it would seem that I only thought I had the capacity to do it once that day though..so when Liz told me that if the only thing I did that crit was be first to the first corner and then pull out, she’d be happy; being 2^nd last  to that corner out of 80 odd girls probably wasn’t quite following her order..

Following Canberra I flew home to Tassie, and was so motivated. I felt that when I finally had myself together physically that I might actually do alright at these races as I now have more confidence with positioning. In another unfortunate twist, I found myself rather sick by Wednesday morning and have been unable to train since my last session on Tuesday. It is now Sunday and I miss my bike way too much. With my next major race not until October though, I am not terribly stressed out. Hopefully I will be back on the bike tomorrow just taking it easy.

These last 5 months have been incredible. I owe so much to so many people. First of all, my family. I wouldn’t be able to even be in Adelaide without the personal or financial support of my parents. Both of my parents know me so well and I can always rely on them to understand me and calm me down when I’m stressed out (this is quite commonly needed at exam time). My three brothers, KB, Mikky and I share a close bond and I miss them heaps when I’m away (although, Luke and I live in the same college). My best friends back home-Natalea, Sarah, Bec, Sophia and Zoe-I can always rely on these girls and our trip to Cradle Mt showed we can remain close friends despite studying in different states.

I owe a mint to almost everyone I’ve met in Adelaide..these are the people who have done so much for me when I have been unable to do much in return..I am used to being independent and am known to do anything for anyone else but in Adelaide I have had to ask for many favours. I wouldn’t have been able to get to any races if it weren’t for my boyfriend Roey, Michael Slater, Kerianne Parfitt, Ange McClure and Liz. These people have also became good friends to me. I owe Carla Franson so much. She and Roey have become my best friends (yes, I have an awful lot of ‘best’ friends) and are my lifeline in Adelaide. Both of their families have also made me feel so welcome. My team mates continue to be awesome fun to head away to races with and if we can get some financial sponsorship, I am extremely pumped for Summer where we will have heaps of racing! To everyone I ride with and to everyone I live with at college, thanks for your support and encouragement.

I could never have dreamt of living such a busy but amazing first half a year in Adelaide. It really goes to show, that anything is possible. Don't limit yourself. Just believe in yourself and work extremely hard for what it is you want.