Update :)

After having two weeks off sick, I returned to Adelaide fired up and motivated to knuckle down and really focus on my riding. I put three solid weeks in on the bike as I had written in my program and was starting to feel strong again. Unfortunately, in that last week I started noticing pain in my heel when I put my cycling shoes on which worsened when walking. This continued to develop and at this stage I have had almost two weeks off the bike except for two little rides I really shouldn't have done this week -it only aggravated my injury. I have been really appreciative of the help and level of care that the physio student and his supervisor that I have been seeing at the UniSA physiotherapy clinic have shown to me. They're not fully sure what the problem is but I have thickening of my achilles tendon and extremely tight calves. They are trying to loosen my muscles and work on the tendon to ease the strain on the insertion point of my achilles on the heel bone. My bump on my heel has responded well to the treatment and hopefully I will be able to ease back into riding by the end of next week.

Those close to me know that I have also been struggling quite a lot with unquenchable thirst..no matter what, how much or how often I drink, I am thirsty. This has caused me to need to go to the toilet way too often and is beginning to frustrate me as I need to get up every night now. I am also really dehydrated...my parents encouraged me strongly to get checked out by a Dr as these symptoms are typical of a Diabetes mellitus diagnosis which we wanted to rule out. The dr I am seeing is showing me exactly what sort of health professional I do not want to be. He barely glanced at my foot when I discussed my heel problem to him, telling me to 'just have some more time off and see how it goes'. My blood test results came back fine which was great news, ruling out diabetes. Unfortunately though, it hasn't taken away my thirst/dehydration. I had to do a urine test and will get the results back next week. If these come back fine, the dr suggested I 'just leave it, it might go away' because he has no idea what it could be. Awesome. Thank you so much for your help and for caring about your patient's health...

It was after these sessions with the dr that I began treatment at the physiotherapy clinic and the difference in approach to patient goals and needs is overwhelming. Before I visited the physio clinic, I was beginning to feel extremely frustrated as I had no idea how to fix both my heel and thirst. In regards to my heel, I also wanted to know how to prevent the pain returning and what sort of time frame I was looking at. I hate being clueless and I hate not knowing who I can turn to help me with regards to health professionals. I feel so much better now though having these two physios help me, at least I'm getting on top of one problem :) (I think!) and it's also great to get some experience with a variety of different health professionals with completely different attitudes. The nurse who took my blood test told me she also doesn't like to watch blood tests and so also tries not to watch..the below picture was taken 6 days after..at least the swelling is pretty much all gone.

In other news, I am really enjoying uni this semester, it all seems a lot more relevant and clinical based which is far more interesting. I also have quite a few friends there too which makes the long days there so much better. We also had our college ball last Saturday night which was pretty good fun. Below is a picture with one of my beautiful brother's, Luke, who lives at college too. He's studying pharmacy at UniSA.

Today I am excited because Roey is picking me up after work and we're going out for tea at the markets with some friends and then I'm spending the weekend at the Roe's place at HC. I absolutely love spending time there with Roey, his family and their gorgeous dogs. This will be a good way to keep me happy as time off the bike does strange things to my head. Riding isn't just something I do to attempt to be competitive and physically fit, it's essential for my mental health. 

If all goes well, I am hoping to be in Mt Gambier for the SA state kermesse championships early October and then my focus turns back to the NRS for the Tour of the Goldfields in Ballarat from October 19-21. 

Between now and then, I'm hoping to sort out my heel and thirst. Of course, I also want to continue to have fun at uni and spend time with good quality people. I also have a quick visit to Tasmania from September 15-29, woohoo! 

It's possible.

Over my two TCE years and then my first semester of uni, I have noticed that so many people place limits on themselves. They believe there is a certain standard they can achieve and they just aim for that. Often, these standards are lower than what they could actually achieve if they really put their mind to it. In TCE, people would say things like “Oh, I only need an ATAR of 80 to get into my course..” and then proceed to explain why it is ok that they don’t study their butt off to overcome any difficulty they’re having with a certain subject or topic.  Considering at uni all you need to do to get your degree is pass all your subjects (which sounds easier than it is), the whole “Cs get degrees” idea is heard quite often. This is fine. For those people who feel that way. The day that I start saying that though, is the day I hope someone whacks me really hard back into my senses. For that will be the day that I have lost a trait of myself that I really respect having.

For as long as I can remember, I have been that person who does not limit myself to any standards. I have always kind of thought “it will be hard, perhaps even unlikely, but yeah it’s possible”. I remember in Year 10 when people were talking about ATARs they thought were possible, they were mentioning receiving ATARs of 90-95. I then came out with “a minimum of 98”. I remember my friends exclaiming how high that was and how hard that would be to achieve. 2 years later, we all received ATARs over 98..

*An ATAR is a national entrance rank for university and is a percentile score so an ATAR of 98 places a person in the top 2% of students Australia wide who completed their Y12 studies that year

It’s easy enough for people to say that we received those scores because ‘oh they’re just really smart’, for some people who receive high scores yes that is the case. Some people naturally pick up concepts easily and don’t have to study really hard. I was always the sort of person though that increasingly found it difficult to grasp concepts. Sitting and listening in class didn’t work for me because what the teacher said would go straight in one ear and out the other. Chemistry was my highest scoring subject in TCE, yet this was my hardest subject. In class, I would sit through the entire lesson and at the end I could often not tell you more than one thing of what I had learnt that class because I wouldn’t understand the first slide and it all went downhill from there because each slide built upon the previous one. In the first few weeks, I seriously contemplated dropping out because realistically I did not understand how on earth I was actually going to pass the subject, let alone get a really good score. Over time though, I developed my own strategies for learning it. This involved copious amounts of time going over every class each night at my own, very slow pace. I would then develop questions to ask my teacher the next class. By each test, I would understand and go well. Then we’d start a new topic and I would have to begin the process again.  To give you an example of how far behind the class I was, I asked a question in class about a single concept covered in class three classes ago and finally got it right and was stoked.

Yesterday, I received my course results for my first semester at uni. I received a High Distinction (the highest uni result possible) in my hardest three subjects-anatomy, physiology and physiotherapy studies. I received one grade lower in my easiest subject, Foundations of Health. These results probably shouldn’t make sense, but for a while now, I’ve found that I go best when I’ve had to work hardest to get anywhere. I don’t make it known that I’ve received solid results to gloat in glory at how smart I am, because I don’t believe that I am smart and I absolutely hate the thought of gloating. These results mean far more to me than having people realize I am not as stupid as I probably come across sometimes. They are proof of two main things:

1)   that I can mix cycling and uni quite well

2)   most importantly that I haven’t lost my way. I still give my all and I still aim for the highest possible result I can.

Although I was expecting an HD for anatomy (my favourite subject), I was unsure of physiology and physiotherapy studies. It was only about a week before my physiotherapy written exam, two days before my physiotherapy practical skills exam (ran that one a bit close for comfort!) and the night before my physiology exam that I realized I should pass those exams. Physiotherapy studies was a subject I battled with right from the beginning. It is made up of three components-clinical reasoning, practical skills and biomechanics. We had tutorials for clinical reasoning, prac sessions for practical skills and lectures for biomechanics with online quizzes to support. Clinical reasoning was a nightmare for the first 6 weeks as our tutor was appalling. Once we finally understood the process though we were fine but still lacked the preparation other students were getting before our final assessment for that. I received a Distinction plus for this assessment (borderline HD/D).

For practical skills, I really struggled beyond comprehension. With classes of 30-40 students and only two tutors to go around to help us, I had so much trouble remembering how to even just basically perform each test let alone all the safety, positioning, further testing and biomechanics principles that we needed to think about along with it! With the help of fellow students at college in the last week in particular, I finally could remember how to perform each test and sometimes remembered the other stuff I had to think about and say out loud for the examiner in the exam. The exam was 10 minutes long and was horrible. I adequately tested the two things I had to do on my patient but forgot to say a lot of stuff, so the examiner prompted me to find out whether I did actually know that stuff and she found a weak point and I began to falter and she loved it and asked me more questions on that point. I came out knowing I would have passed but didn’t think I would have possibly done any better than that. I received a distinction..

Right from the beginning, biomechanics lectures really did my head in. For the online quizzes, I took an hour and a half or something ridiculous to complete the very first one I ever did. I only completed this with a serious amount of help from the two girls either side of me and we still had a number of errors in our responses. By exam time, I had done this quiz 10 times and could do it in 10 minutes with no errors..Every single concept just blew my mind apart but bit by bit, like in chemistry, I would come to understand. I was one of those people who would stay behind in prac class to ask our tutor questions about the quizzes that I just could not nut out. To receive an HD for this subject, I must have done extremely well in my biomechanics written exam because I only received Distinctions for the other two components worth 50%. My Physiotherapy Studies 100 HD is something I’m very proud of.

I knew yesterday morning that I had received an HD for physiology. It wasn’t until that night though that my brother showed me how you could tell what percentage of people studying that course received what mark. 1% of students received an HD. This is out of about 600 studying Human Physiology 100 at UniSA, making me one of 5 or 6 people to receive one. This is huge to me because I am used to going well when quite a few people go well. For example, around 30 people received HDs in anatomy out of 500-600 people. A similar number received an HD in physio studies out of only 120. 1% of people is definitely not quite a few people and shows a remarkable achievement. I think my dad would be one of the few people who understand just how much this means to me because I called him rather upset and emotionally drained just two days before the exam. I had absolutely crashed. In four and a half days following my anatomy and physio written exam I had gone over every single one of my 30 odd physiology lectures which averaged 25 slides each.

Physiology is a subject I find very difficult to understand because you can’t see it..I like anatomy, because we go into the wetlab and I can see the muscles and their layers and how things work. We don’t have that luxury with physiology. Every week during the semester we would have quizzes on the topic learnt in the 3 lectures the previous week. Although each quiz was worth only 2% of our mark each, I studied for each as if it were an exam. I spent hours watching videos, writing notes out of my text book and from my lecture slides just trying to understand. This helped so much but I would forget it almost instantly when we moved onto the next topic. In our mock exam in our last workshop, I didn’t mark my paper but I would have got about 5% of the answers correct..I knew from there that the exam was going to require much more intricate detailed knowledge than just understanding the basic concepts. This is why I went over every single lecture. This meant that I did around 35-40 hours study in 4.5 days starting from Monday lunchtime. By Thursday of that week I was really starting to struggle. I was drained badly but quitting wasn’t an option. By Friday, I was an emotional drone and very stressed out because for all the work I had done, I didn’t feel any had sunk in. I thought I had way overcooked myself and that it had been for no good.

Since swotvac, I had been going to bed far too late (11-12 pm) and waking up early to attempt to train. My body and mind were zonked. I couldn’t do my last two lectures that Friday. Knowing I had a race the next day, I woke up early to do one. I then finished the other one when I got back. Having almost an entire day off study was good for me but I rode terribly in my race and now felt completely obliterated in every way possible. I called dad and explained to him how stressed I was that I might only pass if I were lucky and how much I had done to cook myself so badly to end up in the emotional wreck I was. He was amazing and calmed me down. The next day I headed out to ride but had to turn off early to do a cornering course for riding. I was so glad to turn off because I was riding terribly, again. The cornering course took my mind off things for the hour that I stayed and helped me heaps with my cornering. I finally smiled a legit smile and felt vaguely closer to being myself again. That afternoon, I was supposed to do a whole heap of last minute study but didn’t until about 4. By this stage, I had miraculously found myself again and stuff started to click. By the next morning for my exam, I was confident and ready to go. It seems evident that those ridiculous hours of studying I did paid off, but even more so, that my ability to not give in when things get tough is still there. When I really want something, I still have the ability to go get it.

The following is an excerpt of a letter I wrote to someone who had believed in me enough to sponsor me before I moved to Adelaide and I believe it exemplifies what I’m trying to say but in a sporting context:

“After realizing my foot was a lost cause over Winter, I aimed for the fastest female bike prize at Freycinet. I don’t usually aim for prizes as I know I can’t control the other competitors but I wanted to get up there and receive it really badly. Like, I can’t even begin to explain how much I wanted to. Looking at the entry list and based on the Winter Challenge and the previous year’s Freycinet results, a top 3 result should have been pushing it. I remember talking to you and Jordy in the shop before it and although I think the unanimous opinion was that I wouldn’t get it, it was worth a try. After day 1, a 60 km TT, I was a minute 27 down in 3rd. With only 35 km on the Sunday to make up that time, I knew it was a difficult ask. But, I donned my rapid kit and headed out determined to receive this prize and show you I was worthy of your time. I put myself in the box big time but thought I’d fallen short. I was pretty disappointed at presentations to find out I had fallen short.  However, I had ridden 8 minutes faster cumulative time than the year before and was pretty stoked with that.

Then, on the way home, I jumped on the results and read that there was a mistake and I had put a minute 35 into her, which placed me overall at 8 seconds faster than her and in first place. I had accomplished something that I had put my heart fully into and I was so stoked I had a little teary.

This was probably one of the best moments I’ve ever experienced. Largely on a mental scale, because I was out there pushing myself alone with no idea if the pain I was putting myself through was going to pay off. I’m usually not too good at this, as Macca knows. But I wanted it like nothing else and it taught me that if I fully believe that I can do something, then I really can no matter if the results on paper say I shouldn’t. This was a huge moment for me, not just sporting wise but for everything.”

Before I raced my first NRS race, I didn’t believe I was good enough to be there. Liz had told me I was but I was pretty uncertain. However, I got in there and quickly realized maybe I was. I have not done anything to show I shouldn’t be there, even when I suffered from a gastro-like bug on the first day of the Canberra tour resulting in me almost having to get off my bike in the TT. Then spending the rest of my day near or on the toilet until that night when we decided medication was needed and some serious amounts of hydralyte to allow me to race the rest of the tour. That night, I suffered to hold my fork to eat because I felt so incredibly weak. I tried not to let this go to my head though as I knew that would mentally become a reason for me to not do well and hence an excuse out on the road when I began to battle. Despite the 1.2 litres of hydralyte I had Friday night, I woke up still clearly dehydrated. With our race not til that afternoon, I did not panic and continued to drink my Gatorade and hydralyte. My goals for the two races were unchanged, I wanted to ride as if I were experienced. I rode the last two tours (ie my first two, with Canberra being only my 3^rd ever tour) like the new, scared girl. I didn’t want to be that person anymore. I wanted to be able to do my role for the team, and do what Liz told me and not require my team mates on the road to have to instruct me on where to move and when. 

My results make it look like I rode poorly, I came 42^nd/51 on GC. Yet, I actually rode quite strongly in both road races but I found myself lacking stamina for long efforts which were required for the crucial moves on both days. For example, on the Saturday, the race was 78 km long and I probably rode strongly for 75 km..those 3 km missing were where the bunch split and I rode really strongly then bonked. I think this was largely due to the lack of electrolytes in my system but didn’t let this thought get to me. I just kept working as hard as I could with what I had in me. The way I rode in the groups I ended up in both days was great though, and I rode with confidence. This makes me very happy. On Sunday, I even did exactly what Liz had told me to do. I waited after the descent for our climber Cassie to get on my wheel then dragged her from the very back of the peloton to first wheel ie I was leading the entire peloton. I couldn’t believe I had done it, I was stoked. Unfortunately for me, the girls gladly left me there to set the pace up the first part of the climb then attacked. I had girls overtaking me in every direction and I felt totally swamped and unsettled. I was also starting to tire. I lacked punch and ended up in a group near the back. I was so close to solo bridging the gap to a major bunch up ahead of me in the final 15 km up the punchy climbs but got within 50 m and just couldn’t get closer so ended up in my original bunch. I was so happy though and greeted Liz with an enormous smile because I had finally done something for the team and showed I do have an ability to do what I am told. Unfortunately it would seem that I only thought I had the capacity to do it once that day though..so when Liz told me that if the only thing I did that crit was be first to the first corner and then pull out, she’d be happy; being 2^nd last  to that corner out of 80 odd girls probably wasn’t quite following her order..

Following Canberra I flew home to Tassie, and was so motivated. I felt that when I finally had myself together physically that I might actually do alright at these races as I now have more confidence with positioning. In another unfortunate twist, I found myself rather sick by Wednesday morning and have been unable to train since my last session on Tuesday. It is now Sunday and I miss my bike way too much. With my next major race not until October though, I am not terribly stressed out. Hopefully I will be back on the bike tomorrow just taking it easy.

These last 5 months have been incredible. I owe so much to so many people. First of all, my family. I wouldn’t be able to even be in Adelaide without the personal or financial support of my parents. Both of my parents know me so well and I can always rely on them to understand me and calm me down when I’m stressed out (this is quite commonly needed at exam time). My three brothers, KB, Mikky and I share a close bond and I miss them heaps when I’m away (although, Luke and I live in the same college). My best friends back home-Natalea, Sarah, Bec, Sophia and Zoe-I can always rely on these girls and our trip to Cradle Mt showed we can remain close friends despite studying in different states.

I owe a mint to almost everyone I’ve met in Adelaide..these are the people who have done so much for me when I have been unable to do much in return..I am used to being independent and am known to do anything for anyone else but in Adelaide I have had to ask for many favours. I wouldn’t have been able to get to any races if it weren’t for my boyfriend Roey, Michael Slater, Kerianne Parfitt, Ange McClure and Liz. These people have also became good friends to me. I owe Carla Franson so much. She and Roey have become my best friends (yes, I have an awful lot of ‘best’ friends) and are my lifeline in Adelaide. Both of their families have also made me feel so welcome. My team mates continue to be awesome fun to head away to races with and if we can get some financial sponsorship, I am extremely pumped for Summer where we will have heaps of racing! To everyone I ride with and to everyone I live with at college, thanks for your support and encouragement.

I could never have dreamt of living such a busy but amazing first half a year in Adelaide. It really goes to show, that anything is possible. Don't limit yourself. Just believe in yourself and work extremely hard for what it is you want. 

Peter Stevens Road Race

Yesterday I raced in the Peter Stevens Memorial Road Race at Gumeracha, SA. This was a graded mass start event ie you are just racing the people in your grade. Before hand, I was not sure whether or not I would be D or C  grade, as at the Alphutte Classic, I was in the group of riders who are on the fence between the two and I suffered keeping up. So I was kind of hoping to be in D grade as I was not feeling that keen for a 72 km smash fest.

When I arrived I discovered C grade had such a big field it had been split into upper and lower-C1 and C2, and I’d been placed in C1. This shocked me and I realized that I was going to have to believe that I could keep up, if I were to have any hope. I reasoned with myself that the NRS women I have been racing would be B/C grade and I had proven I am able to keep up with them, so I could give keeping up with these guys a fair shot. Still, I was prepared to be in the hurt box from the start.

Soon into the race I discovered I felt quite good and had a lot of punch for the climbs and any attacks. I also felt far more confident than I’ve ever felt on a bike before, persisting to stick to wheels that I wanted and not let people steal them from me. My positioning the whole race was worlds better than I’ve managed before (much easier with only 22 people in your field rather than 67 at Battle on the Border though). My race consisted of 4 laps and so I got to practice my positioning into the final corner a few times before the final uphill sprint to the finish, which was handy!

The race was mostly calm and not too difficult, most attacks were solo and did not last, and I was able to pick up the pace when I needed to and quickly worked out which wheels were the safest options to a) not crash and b) not miss any attacks which might stay away. On the 3^rd lap up to the finish line area, a break of two went and I was left in no man’s land in 3^rd. A man caught me by the top and tried to work with me to catch the other two but I had lost my legs and wanted them back in a few hundred metres for the next climb. So I recovered and waited for the bunch, in the hope that we would reel the 3 guys out the front back in. It took us most of that lap, and the pace was fairly high but I was glad to start the final lap knowing I could get a decent position because there wasn’t anyone up the road. I managed to position myself really well coming into the last few kms but was swamped at the final corner and a few guys tried to take it too fast and I had two guys out to my right in the gravel and another two to my left with the wobbles, and so I hesitated momentarily trying to find a gap so I could sprint, and lost contact with the top three guys. I worked my way through the rest of my bunch and had a sprint finish with another guy which I took out (rare moment) for 4^th place, $80 and memory of what the power of belief can do!

Doing this race was extremely good for me. I proved to myself that I have the confidence to position myself well in a smaller bunch and that I can keep up with people I didn’t think I could. I love to see improvements, and this was a noticeable one! After I finished racing, I got to watch Roey smash it up in A grade to finish 2^nd, and so we came home with $180 between us and I think we were both pretty happy.

The past week I have finally been able to train properly again because I don’t feel under the weather, and life has been swell. However I have been reminded that I am here for uni, and not riding and need to remember to keep a balance between riding, uni, college life, studying for uni and spending time with friends and Roey. With uni exams coming up, and a lot of SA cycling racing, things are going to get super busy for me so I’ve got to make sure I keep switched on and manage things as best I can.

There are heaps of people I need to thank in SA for helping me to develop into a cyclist and I hate just mentioning some names, knowing I’m missing others that I appreciate too, so to anyone who has been friendly to me, thank you! Obviously I need to thank Liz and Specialized for all their support and great equipment-I could never have imagined myself on such a fantastic team with top gear, particularly the bike. I’d still be stuck on my Giant which breaks down every few weeks.. but also Chris Taylor, Lucky and Roey for their attempts to make me more confident at cornering, descending and sprinting. It may not look to them as if I am improving at these areas but I know I am and so appreciate their help heaps! Plus we have heaps of fun, which is the main thing to me! I also really need to thank Carla ‘CJ’ Franson. This girl has become such a close friend and is so much fun to be with but is also really supportive and we can quite literally talk about anything. She also inspires me out on the bike because she does not give up and just works so incredibly hard. I often think about this when I’m hurting or off the back because I know Carla would do everything she could to get back on, and so I should too. Thank you to Roey, for being such a top guy J

I also could never forget the people back home-my parents, my step dad, my brothers, my sister-in-laws, my close friends, training friends, Natalea and Tom Doering. These people continue to be amazing and I miss them heaps! I can’t wait to see them again in July. Before then though, I have uni exams, lots of racing and the NRS Canberra Tour and I am keen to do well in all of these. Once I tick them all off, it’s home time for either two or four weeks. Woo!

Challenges

You know a lot has changed in two weeks when you see that the 3rd stage of a tour is 'only 85 km' and feel relieved..

You know a lot has changed when you are on the start line of a criterium at a national road series event when you can see the man who tried to convince you to enter a local E grade criterium series a year ago but you were too scared to do that..and although you only last 7 minutes of the race before being pulled off the course, you actually enjoy it and wish that it were training so you could keep turning the corners.. (?!)

..and you know nothing has changed when you get two punctures in under 24 hours...or/and when you see grease covering your hands, face and even your knicks..

Just over two weeks ago, I did my first open road race which happened to be the 2^nd stage of a 3 stage tour, the Mersey Valley Tour. Over the last 3 weekends I have raced two TTs, four road races, a local handicap race and attempted a criterium. That amounts to a nice 433 km of racing. It would be fair to say that my body has no idea what has hit it and I am feeling extremely flat. Between all these races, I have been unable to do any proper sessions other than soft pedalling because I just constantly feel tired and have no punch. Not only has this been physically challenging, but it has been difficult for me to comprehend.  I am not used to training so little and having complete days of rest but still feeling terrible. I am also quite over just soft pedalling. As a triathlete I used to train 11 times a week, so doing 7 rides a week feels silly and then to still need complete days of rest has been hard for me to understand. But slowly I am learning to just listen to my body and not worry about training so much. After all, my training leading up to Mersey Valley after moving from Tasmania was all over the shop but I still got myself into pretty good form (for me).

When I chose to become a member of the Specialized Womens SA team, I realized I was going to have to face a lot of my fears. I realized that I was going to be putting myself out of my comfort zone time and time again and that I would make a lot of mistakes and probably commit social cyclist suicide at times (I am quite a hubbard). I think it’s hard for people around me to remember that I have been in this sport racing for two weeks and that has proved a little difficult at times too.

Facing my fears

For some strange reason, the more that I rode my bike back home in Launceston, the more scared and unconfident I became in my bike handling abilities. I have an incredibly deep fear of crashing, causing a crash, watching others crash and of cornering at any sort of speed. For all those years I spent as a triathlete, I never bothered to truly face these fears because I figured for non-drafting triathlons I did not have to worry about cornering etc. But I still hated it. I knew it was there and it played heavily on my mind every bunch ride because I was constantly trying to prepare myself for every upcoming corner so that I could let everyone around me know to slow down and sometimes I’d just pull out of the bunch and turn from the back and catch back up. Despite the fact the riders were always supportive of me and knew I was terrible/unconfident of cornering, it concerned me greatly that I could feel fine for most of the corner then suddenly panic and touch the brakes or not turn the last bit of the corner and aim for the bushes…

When I finally found bunches in Adelaide, I would have no idea where the corners were and so I had to believe in myself a lot more or I would probably crash or cause one. Awfully slowly I have become more confident in my abilities and am trying to eliminate this deep fear of mine or at least learn to deal with it appropriately. It has provided me with a lot of challenges in racing though and I honestly believe that in both Stage 3 of the Mersey Valley Tour and Stage 2 of Battle on the Border, I physically had the ability to finish with the main bunch. My extreme lack of confidence, knowledge and skills is leaving me on the back of the bunch and so every time we turn a corner, go up a hill, go down a hill, if there’s a crash or mechanical etc, I have to chase back up and I am wasting so much energy. I know what people are saying is true, you’ve got to position yourself at the front. I am listening, but I just can’t work out how on earth to get there, which is super frustrating because it seems like I’m not listening to people like my team manager, which is not true. Until I gain more confidence to get extremely close to other riders and squeeze through gaps etc and get closer to the front (or at least the middle) I am going to keep wasting a lot of my ability and this is frustrating.

My team- mates talk about planning ahead but all I think about is keeping up. I have no idea what’s about to happen or any of that tactical side, I just ride my bike as fast as I need to in order to keep up. In stage 3 at Battle on the Border, I was in the final bunch of 30 and for those final few kms I quite literally picked my lines based on which one looked less likely to have a crash. I was so stoked to be there the thought of trying to get a good placing evaded me until the final 3 kms, where I finally realized that I could actually get a decent place and positioned myself well for top 15 until I was surprised to encounter three corners leading into the finish and lost quite a few spots.

For the criterium, I knew it was so important for me to be in the top twenty or so from the start line if I had any chance of finishing. I got to the line 20 minutes early and was in the top ten but when we pushed off for our neutral half lap to the start/finish line, I had trouble clipping my foot in and ended up at the back for the real start. I knew inside I had already doomed myself to only lasting in the race for a few minutes but I was hoping I might be able to move up but this wasn’t to be. I was pulled out after 7 minutes with four other girls and by the end only about half the field remained. Again, I was really frustrated because I felt so strong and finally felt like I had some punch. I was motivated from keeping up the day before and was ready to go, even if I was petrified of the fact it was a criterium (ie lots of cornering!). The positive that I got out of those 7 minutes though, was that I enjoyed it and this is a fantastic start to slowly getting over my fears. Roey had told me to imagine I was him cornering and it really did help, I might have to try that one more often.

The 3 nights I spent on the Gold Coast with my team -mates and soigneur Mic, were just amazing. I suffered- to keep up, chase, and make it to the finish; I avoided crashes, I gained confidence, I learnt heaps more, and I was very slightly better with my nutrition. Far above all of this though, is my love for my team. Liz, Carla, Stacey, Kimbers and Mic are just so much fun and so supportive. The way they race and conduct themselves is inspiring and the fun we have off the bike is unbelievable. I will miss the next tour due to uni exams and I am going to miss being with them. The Canberra womens tour in July will be my next NRS race. In between now and then I will have a few handicap and graded races in Adelaide, as well as two tours which I am very excited for. It’s not all easy, but it has been so worth it J

My big move and the Mersey Valley Tour

One thing I've learnt in life is that things change. All the time, whether we're expecting it or not, and whether we want it to or not, change will occur and maybe it could be for the better.

1 year ago, I was a dedicated triathlete, dead-set against leaving Tasmania, I was petrified of the idea of living in a college and the thought of being a physio bored me. 10 weeks ago, if you'd told me I was going to be given an offer to join a domestic women's cycling team and be given a top level racing bike, kit, helmet, shoes, opportunities to race across Australia, along with an amazing network of people, I would've thought that sounded absolutely amazing but so very far-fetched. So, where do I find myself? sitting in my room at college in Adelaide having just returned from my first National Road Series cycling tour competing with my team SpecializedWomens- SA and studying physiotherapy. ..?!

Just taking this a few steps back, it wasn't until about May last year that I decided (and I'm really not sure what made me decide) that I did actually want to study physiotherapy. Still, I was very much against leaving home and so decided that I'd study exercise science in Launceston for 3.5 years (the full degree) and then apply to study a Masters of Physiotherapy in Adelaide in 2016. This would give me plenty of time to get used to the idea of moving away from Tasmania and if I changed my mind then the course was very general and I could study another health profession. This idea didn't last very long (luckily). I soon found myself realising that it wasn't Launceston or my house that made it so hard to leave, but the people in it. As all of my best 5 school friends were planning on moving away, my brother Luke was planning a move from uni in Sydney to Adelaide, and my brother Ben and his girlfriend Mikaela were probably going to move out of home at some stage, I realised that I needed to grow up, challenge myself and put myself well and truly out of my comfort zone.

I only applied for physio in Adelaide which was a little bit risky with an ATAR of 98.8 needed for automatic entry. During exams I became more and more stressed each one as I thought I'd gone badly in each one and became further from moving to Adelaide which I was, by then, really excited to do. When I opened my email to see that I had attained an ATAR of 98.1 I had a little teary. I was off to Adelaide to study physio. It wasn't the score I needed for automatic entry but it was pretty close and I received bonus points for being rural which gave me an adjusted ATAR of 99.95 (handy!). All holidays I was super excited for my move but pretty nervous and it was constantly on my mind. I had no idea what to expect or how my life would change. For the last month, I really needed to just move already. I was over waiting for the unknown and was over thinking about how much I'd miss the people I love in my hometown. Finally the big day came and Dad, Luke and I drove over.

Since I  moved to Adelaide on the 19th of February, so many things have happened..

• I received a room in college that suits me perfectly-it's in a quiet corridor, it has air con (massive win!), ensuite and is close to the garage so I can grab my bike and go in the morning. 
• the people at college were incredibly friendly from the beginning and have made moving so much easier and I've made so many good friends who are heaps of fun to be around
• O-week at college was amongst the most fun weeks of my life
• I love the city of Adelaide. At first I found it difficult with the traffic (particularly whilst riding) but it has so many parks, is well-laid out and not too big.
• I am enjoying my uni course and making friends there too
• I was offered a spot on the SpecializedWomens-SA cycling team... 

and this is where my move to Adelaide really became so very worthwhile. 

This offer actually came the day after I had a large conversation with my dad about how much I was struggling in Adelaide to train and he finally convinced me to stay calm, not worry about losing fitness and just swim or ride when I had time for the enjoyment of it. He suggested I was putting myself under too much stress trying to get used to the very active social life that surrounds my college, get used to uni and it's demands-make friends there too, get used to the city as well as try and somehow train. 

I had O-week (orientation week at college) off training as planned when I moved here but had spent the last week (being my 2nd week in Adelaide) attempting to train in the dark before uni (my first week of uni ever). I hated it. I had so much trouble getting up to ride by myself in a city that had traffic I couldn't work out and much heavier (even at 5 30 am!) than I was used to, I had no idea where the good rides were, couldn't find any bunches, I continually got lost, google maps became my best friend (but I got over stopping to check it every 5 minutes!), it rained on me, it was windy, I'd finally get to the road I wanted and realise there were no street lights (this happened twice) to which I persevered for about 20 minutes but considering I only overcame my extreme fright for the dark about a year and a half ago I eventually U-turned. Did I mention I don't enjoy training by myself either? all of this put together made getting up early so very, very difficult and even with my enthusiastic positive nature, I had difficulty seeing how I was going to keep it up. Although I hadn't been able to race all Summer as a triathlete due to my foot injury, I trained my ass off because I loved swimming and riding. But this wasn't fun, at all. This is why I had that conversation with my dad. But I guess sometimes life has its funny ways of putting opportunities in your way at just the right time..persevere for long enough and you may just reach it..

Before I left Tasmania, Tom Sawyer had discovered I was moving to Adelaide and put me in contact with Liz Phillipou, the manager/rider of the SpecializedWomens-SA team who he had met on a ride at the Tour Down Under. Liz contacted me and organised to catch up for a ride with a few other girls. On this day, I was expecting to be hammered but instead I was pleasantly surprised to find myself riding on a nice road by the beach with some really nice female cyclists. Embarrassingly enough, I had my corridor party at college the night before which happened to be zombie themed and I still had some remains of the white paint on my face which they assumed to be copious amounts of sun-screen..so I guess from the start I've shown my true daggy colours to these girls and they still accepted me. On this ride Liz introduced me and Carla (now one of my fellow team mates and an absolute legend of a girl!) to the boys in at JT cycles on Anzac Highway. She also told me I'd be welcome to join a bunch of guys the next day and that she'd be there. This was a huge turning point. That night I left town early (which was actually a hard decision for me at the time due to the large amounts of fun I was having with my new friends who I didn't want to be disappointing this early in our friendships) so that I would be decent to ride the next day. I am so glad I did because I rode quite strongly, met some fantastic riders who have now become good friends to me and Liz seemed keen to have me join the team. 

When Liz sent me an email saying she was serious about me joining the team, I went into a complete panic. I was torn. Being on the team meant I'd be given (!!) a Specialized S-works sl4 amira which is a top of the line female specific racing bike which is something I could only ever dream about before, racing kit, helmet, glasses, shoes, bike fit-up, awesome networking, opportunities to race around Australia with top domestic female cyclists and team mates. This obviously all sounds amazing but originally I decided in my mind to turn it down. Why? for many reasons. So many reasons in fact, my email to Liz detailing them all was incredibly long. Some of these included:

• not being good enough to race the National Road Series. I told her that I didn't know how much time I'd have to train because uni was my main focus and I'd have to fit in around that and I couldn't see how I was going to have enough time to train enough to be good enough to race the series let alone be competitive for the team
• not having enough/any skills. Let's face it, my lack of skills and confidence is my biggest enemy
• not wanting to let the team down or affect it in any way if I had to pull out mid-season because I couldn't cope with the demand of juggling uni/college and cycling.
• not to mention what I had just discussed with my dad the day before..

You'd think, well I know I certainly did, that after all this uncertainty that I had in myself that Liz would decide I was far too much of a risk to take on. Especially considering she had just met me! but no, Liz's reply to my email was overwhelmingly supportive and understanding which she has continued to be. Despite my parents' concern that I was taking on too much too early after my move, with such an understanding reply, I decided to take a chance and I said yes, I would love to join your team. 

I know it hasn't been long, but I haven't looked back.

The 3rd week at Adelaide was a little easier for me to wake up to train considering all that I now had to motivate myself with (I shouldn't lie, I literally kept thinking about how much I needed to show that I deserved that bike and spot on the team..) but it still wasn't fun..but bit by bit, as time passed and I kept persevering, riding in Adelaide has become so much fun, particularly on the weekends! I have had to put myself out there so many times, way out of my comfort zone, but I now have a Wednesday morning hills ride organised, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday morning bunch rides and I did have a Tuesday night bunch ride but I'm unsure as to the safety of that one now that it is dark..probably the most sketchy bunch to have taken to the streets...and life here is just amazing. So although it was so hard to start with, I was given a massive opportunity at just the right time, took a chance and now find it hard to think of life any differently. The guys and girls I have met and ride with have been nothing short of incredibly wonderful to me. I absolutely love them. They are so much fun and so supportive. When I returned to Launceston for Easter for just two weeks I found it hard to leave them. 

At the end of my Easter break I met Liz and Carla in Ulverstone after I had lunch with Roey. All were down for the first leg of the National Road Series, the Mersey Valley Tour. Guess what, so was I. I was so nervous but managed to keep my nerves under control. When we rocked up to the first stage though, the 15 km TT, my nerves and thoughts just went all over the shop. I could see all these people on rollers doing proper warm ups and I had no idea what I was doing. I just wanted to crawl into the van, curl up into a ball and not face the start. But, my move to Adelaide has made me stronger than that and I realised that I had been continually putting myself out of my comfort zone for 8 weeks so I sorted my head out and did the sort of warm up I would for triathlon (minus having a swim, which I did miss). As a triathlete for 7 years, I have heaps of time trialing experience..but that's coming out of the water! not doing a warm up on rollers, getting to the start line and being held thinking that as soon as they let go of me I would fall straight off onto the road (I was 90% sure this was going to happen). The people at the start line were awesome to me and talked me through what I had to do. Still, it was only with 10 seconds to go that I changed my mind set from "I'm about to hit the deck" to "let's do this, you can do it". When they let go and I didn't hit the deck, sheer relief flooded me and I was away. This is where I learnt that doing a really decent warm up is very important. The whole way out I felt shocking. The way back was better but I was fairly disappointed with my time. I need to adjust my mind to realise that I do not have to run afterwards and have to go ALL OUT. Next time, I'll focus on adjusting my warm up too. 

If I thought I was nervous for the TT, then I hit new- found levels that afternoon for the road race. Although warming up wasn't as much of an issue as the race started off in neutral, I was petrified of racing 58 other girls. Liz told me to keep focusing on working my way to the front but having found myself at the back at the start, I looked up the road and saw absolutely no possible way to move towards the front without crossing the middle line. I got dropped up the QOM but thanks to a few other strong girls such as Georgia Baker who won the TT earlier also getting dropped, I received a tow back to the bunch where I stayed until the descent. I lost probably a minute and an awful lot of places on the descent which was to be expected as I am only just starting to get better at the technical side of cycling (slow work in progress) and so started the final 6 km climb at the back of the main bunch. I was slowly working my way through to mid-field but with 2 km to go found myself, and particularly my back and abs, in a world of pain and crawled to the end. I was stoked with how strong I felt and very happy to be there until the descent. I learnt heaps and was less scared for stage 3. This stage was 58 km which was 18 km more than I had ever raced before (having only done a handful of U/17 races in 2008 and 2009). Stage 3 was an additional 31 km on top of this..

I was no longer so scared about not knowing what to expect while racing due to having completed the day before but I knew what the course was like as I had ridden it previously in training and knew I was in for a tough day. Funnily enough, the climb up to Weegena was where my first ever road race went back in 2008. On that day, I got off my bike and walked 3 times as I had panic attacks. Fair to say, I was glad 4 years had passed since and found the climb, my mentality and my physical strength a lot better! Stage 3 was raced so differently to Stage 2 which was great for my learning, I really was gaining a lot of experience out of this tour which is exactly what I wanted. The group stayed together until the turn off to Weegena. As I had badly positioned myself at the back, I found it very difficult to overtake the stragglers as the group were all over the road and I'm not very confident to get too close and take gaps. This led to me being in the 3rd group that formed and we pushed hard the entire lap to get back to the first two groups (who also reformed). This meant a lot of pace lining and by the time we caught up to the leading bunch, it was time to do the loop and all that climbing again. Once again, I found myself at the back and as a result also got dropped. I kept calm and timed my legs well to catch up to my earlier group that had dropped again up QOM but my recovery was probably 10 seconds too slow and they went up the road while I lagged, suffering from a lack of racing kms and nutrition. I worked with another girl for a while but she dropped behind me which was disappointing. I knew I had 40 km to go which is a fairly epic TT particularly in the torrential rain we had but I was setting a decent pace for a while but just couldn't close the gap I had let form. Eventually I caught another girl and I let her sit on me for a while, then we took turns for a bit until 20 km to go where she was totally over it and I had majorly hunger flatted. We then soft pedaled most of the way back and had a good chat. It was funny how soft pedaling seemed like the most effort we could put in. Up the final climb to Sheffield she showed it clearly wasn't for her and she disappeared up ahead. I caught a couple of guys and rode into Sheffield with them and I'm not sure who of us was more excited to see the finish line but I know I had a massive grin on my face. I had made it! I finished the tour. A gruelling 162 km in terrible weather conditions. 

Over the weekend I learnt so much but the easiest things I know I can improve on are warming up and nutrition. My nutrition was atrocious. All I had to get me through on Sunday was 3 little lollies. I had gels but I couldn't reach them as I put my sunglasses on top of them and wasn't confident to take both hands off my bars in the wet. I also had more of the little lolly things but they got wet and were stuck at the bottom of the packet out of my reach. In training now, I know I need to focus on this as I know I can easily prevent my body from a lot of suffering and a far better result.

This account was just the racing side of the tour. The social side, staying with my team mates Carla and Liz and her husband Mic was just awesome fun and they were a massive support. Liz told me in her original email to me that joining a team like this would make moving to Adelaide better for me as I wasn't just moving for uni, I would be creating a life here. I have found that to be so very true. I have a lot to thank Liz for!! and Tom Sawyer for putting us in contact and for putting good words in for me. It was also so fantastic to see so many Tasmanians support me over the weekend, this was greatly appreciated! It definitely helped me to keep pedaling hard. 

The last two days I have just been trying to recover and settle back into college and face the reality of uni. This weekend I will be racing in the Alphutte classic which is a handicap race at the Range and the next weekend after that I will be joining Carla, Liz, Stacey and Kimberley (and our super swanny Mic) for the second round of the national road series, Battle on the Border. This race has a 6.7 km TT, an 85 km road race, a 98 km road race and a criterium. This will be the first criterium I have ever raced in and again I am extremely nervous as I have trouble turning corners. But, I'll continue learning and take the good with the bad. I'm extremely excited and motivated and will just see where cycling takes me.

I find myself wondering how on earth I deserved and managed to have so many good things happen to me this year but deep down, I know that I probably do deserve these opportunities as I've faced my fair share of hardship and it's probably about time I did something for myself and really took a chance. Thank you so much to all those people who have supported me, encouraged me, believed in me, been a friend to me, loved me and given me amazing opportunities. I hope one day I can re-pay you all in my own way.

 :)