Challenges

You know a lot has changed in two weeks when you see that the 3rd stage of a tour is 'only 85 km' and feel relieved..

You know a lot has changed when you are on the start line of a criterium at a national road series event when you can see the man who tried to convince you to enter a local E grade criterium series a year ago but you were too scared to do that..and although you only last 7 minutes of the race before being pulled off the course, you actually enjoy it and wish that it were training so you could keep turning the corners.. (?!)

..and you know nothing has changed when you get two punctures in under 24 hours...or/and when you see grease covering your hands, face and even your knicks..

Just over two weeks ago, I did my first open road race which happened to be the 2^nd stage of a 3 stage tour, the Mersey Valley Tour. Over the last 3 weekends I have raced two TTs, four road races, a local handicap race and attempted a criterium. That amounts to a nice 433 km of racing. It would be fair to say that my body has no idea what has hit it and I am feeling extremely flat. Between all these races, I have been unable to do any proper sessions other than soft pedalling because I just constantly feel tired and have no punch. Not only has this been physically challenging, but it has been difficult for me to comprehend.  I am not used to training so little and having complete days of rest but still feeling terrible. I am also quite over just soft pedalling. As a triathlete I used to train 11 times a week, so doing 7 rides a week feels silly and then to still need complete days of rest has been hard for me to understand. But slowly I am learning to just listen to my body and not worry about training so much. After all, my training leading up to Mersey Valley after moving from Tasmania was all over the shop but I still got myself into pretty good form (for me).

When I chose to become a member of the Specialized Womens SA team, I realized I was going to have to face a lot of my fears. I realized that I was going to be putting myself out of my comfort zone time and time again and that I would make a lot of mistakes and probably commit social cyclist suicide at times (I am quite a hubbard). I think it’s hard for people around me to remember that I have been in this sport racing for two weeks and that has proved a little difficult at times too.

Facing my fears

For some strange reason, the more that I rode my bike back home in Launceston, the more scared and unconfident I became in my bike handling abilities. I have an incredibly deep fear of crashing, causing a crash, watching others crash and of cornering at any sort of speed. For all those years I spent as a triathlete, I never bothered to truly face these fears because I figured for non-drafting triathlons I did not have to worry about cornering etc. But I still hated it. I knew it was there and it played heavily on my mind every bunch ride because I was constantly trying to prepare myself for every upcoming corner so that I could let everyone around me know to slow down and sometimes I’d just pull out of the bunch and turn from the back and catch back up. Despite the fact the riders were always supportive of me and knew I was terrible/unconfident of cornering, it concerned me greatly that I could feel fine for most of the corner then suddenly panic and touch the brakes or not turn the last bit of the corner and aim for the bushes…

When I finally found bunches in Adelaide, I would have no idea where the corners were and so I had to believe in myself a lot more or I would probably crash or cause one. Awfully slowly I have become more confident in my abilities and am trying to eliminate this deep fear of mine or at least learn to deal with it appropriately. It has provided me with a lot of challenges in racing though and I honestly believe that in both Stage 3 of the Mersey Valley Tour and Stage 2 of Battle on the Border, I physically had the ability to finish with the main bunch. My extreme lack of confidence, knowledge and skills is leaving me on the back of the bunch and so every time we turn a corner, go up a hill, go down a hill, if there’s a crash or mechanical etc, I have to chase back up and I am wasting so much energy. I know what people are saying is true, you’ve got to position yourself at the front. I am listening, but I just can’t work out how on earth to get there, which is super frustrating because it seems like I’m not listening to people like my team manager, which is not true. Until I gain more confidence to get extremely close to other riders and squeeze through gaps etc and get closer to the front (or at least the middle) I am going to keep wasting a lot of my ability and this is frustrating.

My team- mates talk about planning ahead but all I think about is keeping up. I have no idea what’s about to happen or any of that tactical side, I just ride my bike as fast as I need to in order to keep up. In stage 3 at Battle on the Border, I was in the final bunch of 30 and for those final few kms I quite literally picked my lines based on which one looked less likely to have a crash. I was so stoked to be there the thought of trying to get a good placing evaded me until the final 3 kms, where I finally realized that I could actually get a decent place and positioned myself well for top 15 until I was surprised to encounter three corners leading into the finish and lost quite a few spots.

For the criterium, I knew it was so important for me to be in the top twenty or so from the start line if I had any chance of finishing. I got to the line 20 minutes early and was in the top ten but when we pushed off for our neutral half lap to the start/finish line, I had trouble clipping my foot in and ended up at the back for the real start. I knew inside I had already doomed myself to only lasting in the race for a few minutes but I was hoping I might be able to move up but this wasn’t to be. I was pulled out after 7 minutes with four other girls and by the end only about half the field remained. Again, I was really frustrated because I felt so strong and finally felt like I had some punch. I was motivated from keeping up the day before and was ready to go, even if I was petrified of the fact it was a criterium (ie lots of cornering!). The positive that I got out of those 7 minutes though, was that I enjoyed it and this is a fantastic start to slowly getting over my fears. Roey had told me to imagine I was him cornering and it really did help, I might have to try that one more often.

The 3 nights I spent on the Gold Coast with my team -mates and soigneur Mic, were just amazing. I suffered- to keep up, chase, and make it to the finish; I avoided crashes, I gained confidence, I learnt heaps more, and I was very slightly better with my nutrition. Far above all of this though, is my love for my team. Liz, Carla, Stacey, Kimbers and Mic are just so much fun and so supportive. The way they race and conduct themselves is inspiring and the fun we have off the bike is unbelievable. I will miss the next tour due to uni exams and I am going to miss being with them. The Canberra womens tour in July will be my next NRS race. In between now and then I will have a few handicap and graded races in Adelaide, as well as two tours which I am very excited for. It’s not all easy, but it has been so worth it J